Tuesday, June 16, 2009

ONE YEAR AGO

Glioblastoma Multiforme - stage 4 brain cancer. One year ago today those are the words that we heard from the doctor after he reviewed the results of mom's biopsy. Little did we know as we moved her to the nursing home two days later, that she would only live one more month. I did visit her at least once almost every day during that month, but I so wish I could have done more. I wish I could have had her around longer. I wasn't done learning from my mom, I wasn't done loving her, I wasn't prepared to live without her.

I do not wish her back because I know she is with Jesus. She had a very strong faith, so there is no doubt about where she is spending eternity. But I miss her. I miss her so much. I don't think anything prepares you for the death of a mother. Every night as I fall asleep, I am thinking back to last year. I am reliving the high points, and the low points. I am reliving the quiet moments of prayer, and the moments when I totally desolved in loud sobs. And it hurts just as much this time as it did the first time. And I feel so alone.

I miss my mom.

5 comments:

Just Joni said...

I wish there was something I could say that would alleviate your sadness, but through these tears I now have going I know there is not one person who can ever replace a mom. Moms are just those special people who know us as well as we know ourselves and being that they are women, they understand when most others do not. I wish for you sweet memories to get lost in and an inner peace knowing she is now pain free. Find joy in how she lived and carry that with you and then my sweet friend she will always be a part of everything you do. Oh, how I dread this experience. I wish people we loved never had to leave us. Maybe it's time for an afternoon spent in old photos and stories. Thank goodness we have our memories...although some days around here, that's questionable.

Hugs, hugs, hugs ~

Lisa said...

This just makes me so sad. Here you spent a part of every day with your mother knowing her time was short but not knowing just how short it would be. I have not seen my mom in over a week and we live about 15 minutes away. Why do we take things for granted? But yet none of us ever know how much time we will have. It just makes me so sad to think the day is coming that my mom will be gone too. Even though she and I are not as close as you and your mother was, I know it will still hurt terribly. And I just wish life was not so hurtful and complicated.

On the other hand....I loved your pictures of your family getting together to camp. Looks like you had a WONDERFUL time with those grand kids. Aren't we blessed, truly, aren't we? Thanks for being my friend and being so supportive of me in my times of need. Some day I hope we will be camping together too.

StitchinByTheLake said...

Marge my mother died from that exact same thing five years ago July 1. I miss her and I wish I could see her just for a moment or two. My hurts with your heart. blessings, marlene

Memaw's memories said...

We ae both in a sad mood today. I posted about losing my mother 40 years ago today, and in essence you lost yours 1 year ago today.

My mother was also a wonderful christian lady. She taught me and my brothers a wonderful love for Jesus.

Like you, I am fortunate to have many memories of her. When you lose your mother, you lose a connection to your family. Mother's are truly the tie that binds the homes togethr.

Marge said...

Everyone has spoken such kind words. Thank you so much. I know I just have to get on getting on....and hopefully in a month or so things will start looking up. Dealing with a couple of other situations too, so that's been getting me down, too. But I'll come back often and read everyone's words and I'll feel better! You guys are priceless!