On January 18, I posted about The Days of our Lives, and how my life seemed to be divided into sections, and that we were heading into a part of our lives that was unknown to us. We are now living that part of our lives, and had we the choice, we would not have chosen to travel this road in a hundred years. In a thousand years.
My mom is experiencing memory loss, and I am experiencing the loss of my mom. Oh, I know that the aging process often involves the stages of forgetfulness and confusion, but it shouldn't be happening to my mom. My mom should be able to identify everyone in that photo. My mom shouldn't have to ask, maybe four or five times, who is coming tomorrow, or what time we leave for church. My mom would know the name of her bank or the roads to take to the grocery store. And my mom would stay the same way she always was, a bright, interesting, fun and loving woman, the one person I could rely on to always be there for me and who would always take care of me.
But God in His infinite wisdom apparently has other plans. We can't argue with Him, as we have been taught, by our mom, to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and that He will direct our paths. This is where we are now. Trusting. Trusting Him. Trusting each other. And asking mom to trust us as we make decisions for her. We are now taking care of our mom.
The past couple of months have been spent making plans to move mom, and my youngest sister who lives with her, to a new apartment where she will be safe and where help would be available if needed. We are sorting through mom's things, agonizing over what to keep, what to discard, what to gift to others, and we are asking mom to make many very difficult decisions about things that she considers treasures. It is extremely hard, and often I return home tired, upset and confused, so I can in some small way imagine how confused mom is.
Only a bit over a week and we will have the big moving day. I pray my siblings and I are doing the right thing. I pray we can get mom settled in quickly, and that the confusion will lessen and she will quickly adapt to her new home and that she will be happy living there. I pray we can have our old mom back for just a little longer. We still need her.