It seems I can make it through the winter with the help of going south for two months, but March and April are really rough months for me. Again this year I am battling the thoughts and dreams that remind me of two years ago. Two years ago we left our chosen lifestyle of traveling to return to Minnesota to help care for mom. Two years ago we started over, finding an apartment, buying furniture to replace what we had given away, and setting up housekeeping in a permanent spot again. Two years ago we knew mom had developed some problems that wouldn't allow her to live independently any longer. And two years ago we knew things were going to change drastically in the next few months. And those of you who are regular readers, know that things did change. Our precious mother had brain cancer that wasn't discovered until it was stage four, and she lost the battle before we even had time to try to fight it.
My thoughts these past days have so often traveled back in time to two years ago. My last thoughts when I crawl into bed at night are of those days two years ago when we were just finding out that things were not going to be the same anymore. I wish I could shake these feelings and thoughts, but it's tough. I need to find something in the here and now to think about and be excited about, and not forget the pain of the past, but put it further back in my head so it's not the first thought of the day and the last thought of the night. That's what I've been working on recently, and therefore I've not posted a thing of value. I do think I'm near the end of my funk however, and hopefully I'll be back soon.
After all, God is with me. He says 'I will never leave you or forsake you,' and I need to remember that and trust that. He will help me through this, just as He has always helped in the past. It's time for me to kick that old funk in the butt and get on with it. I'm going to try.